Saturday, January 25, 2014

20 Annoying Things People Say to Writers

This list has been a fan favorite. How many of these can you relate to? Or are you guilty?

#1. "Oh you're writing a book?! When can I read it?"

How about you ask when I'm actually done writing and editing and not wanting to burn it to ashes.
A typical day for any writer.

#2. "How many sequels are you going to write?"

Why does there HAVE to be a sequel? And if so, I will write until the story is finished or abandoned.

#3. "How did you possibly think of THAT??? Like, nobody thinks about that."

Well obviously somebody did or else you wouldn't have to ask that question.
I used this. 

#4. "Can you sign my book when I get one?"

If you can get it to me, I'll sign every page if you so desire.

Sadly, we won't meet here.

#5. "How do you find any time to write books?"

How do you find time to work? Or eat? Or ask me these questions?
Well, no. Well, it really depends. Um. Yeah.

#6. "You should write a book about..."


#7. "Am I in your book?"

Would you like me to reveal your darkest secrets? If not, then don't ask. Even so, I might have put you in the book, so if I did, don't get angry if you don't like what you see.
I guess that concludes negotiations.

#8. "Is there any romance?"

#9. "Is it action-packed?"

#10. "How many characters die?"

Why should I tell you? The point is to be surprised.

#11. "Do you have a life?"

#12. "Do you just sit in your room all day?"

Am I in my room now? No. I actually prefer to be in the middle of a crowded place while I write, like Starbucks or Market Square in Pittsburgh.

#13. "It can't be THAT hard."

When's the last time you wrote a book and edited it through several drafts? Never?

Thought so.

#14. "Ah, thought I'd find you here."

Yes, you found me at the same spot that I'm always sitting during this period of time, since it's the same spot and time that I always choose to write.

#15. "You WROTE that?"

No, the magical book elves had typed the entire book on my computer while I was sleeping.
Neil Gaiman, everybody.


#16. "So when is it getting published?"

I think it's fair to say you'll KNOW when it's getting published because I will TELL you.

#17. "How long did it take you to write that?"

Not overnight, that's for sure.

#18. "I write, too! My friends all gave me positive reviews and said I should submit it to a publisher!"

You should either get some new friends or pick your favorite place to cry alone.

#19. "I wrote some stuff, too! Since you wrote a book, can I send my story to you for you to look over and tell me how it is?"

Unless you're in my writing critique group, I genuinely just do not have the time. Even if I say yes, I'm secretly hoping you won't, because I just don't have the time. The order goes: me, critique I have other people who need me to review their books AND I'm trying to edit mine. Come back when you're done a few drafts, have analyzed the story, and have joined a critique group. Then I'll consider it since you showed you care.
Don't get angry. It's the truth.

#20. "Writers don't make money."

There are several types of writers. The two biggest ones are those who write to live and those who live to write. The first group barely pays the bills and probably has a job on the side. They write a book a month and get it published, and it's generally not very good nor successful. They do it for a quick buck.

The second group cares about their book like it's their child and once they get it published, they can be way more successful in a shorter period of time. They take everything they've got and dump it into their book. Their stories are from their hearts.

*This list represents only my (very) sarcastic responses. You know, the internal kind.

Do you have anything to add? Share it in the comments!


  1. Merg, YES. Especially #20. I've had people who've never read my writing (not to sound proud or anything...) tell me to find something else to do. And while sometimes it's true that writers have to have another job, it gets *really* annoying to be told that I'm going to fail.

    1. Yes, yes, yes. There are always going to be those people who say it's not worth the time. But push forward and don't give up! The moment we give up, they win. Why be stuck doing something we don't love? Sure it might not be big and popular right now, but one day, the right person could see it and next thing you know, you have a contract or interview or a spike in views! (Personal experience :D)

  2. I love this. Couldn't stop laughing :D

    1. Good! It was a lot of fun to make, especially once I found that "You're Annoying" picture XD

  3. Laughing so hard a coughing fit came on.
    These are gold & SO very true!

    1. Be careful! XD I guess I should make a "I am not responsible for any hospital visits that result from reading this post" policy ;)

  4. All of these are so true : ) I hear "I want a copy" a lot too. When I get a contract and many other things happen, then go buy it yourself. haha People just don't understand.

    1. YES! YES! And YES! I always get, "I want a copy" to Alyson. Ugh!

  5. Ahahahah I love this, especially 7, 13 and 15.

  6. So glad we can make light of being an artist, especially a writer. I feel this list.